


What Bjorn Knows

by LadyFangs



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Observations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 17:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyFangs/pseuds/LadyFangs
Summary: Bjorn's not stupid. He knows things, and he sees things. And everything he's learned about love and sex, he's learned from his parents.





	What Bjorn Knows

**What Bjorn Knows**

  1. **Innocence and Love**



He does not recall how old he was when he first saw. But he remembers how he felt. And what he’d heard.

His mother was moaning. She must have been in pain.

He remembers how angry he was at his father, how he felt the urge to defend his mother against this horrible man who was hurting her. He remembers running as fast as his little legs could go to attack Ragnar, pounding him with small firsts.

“Get off her!” He’d yelled, tears in his eyes. He would let no one hurt his mother. Not even his father.

He remembers being picked up and held against Ragnar's bare chest as his parents chuckled. He remembers his mother wrapping a sheet around herself and sitting up in bed, reaching out to him, and he remembers father releasing him to her, and how he’d curled up against Lagertha, burying his face in her shoulder and crying. 

“Shhh…Bjorn, it’s alright.” She'd rocked him gently and stroked his hair, as Ragnar moved to lay next to her resting a hand on her hip. He remembers seeing that and trying to squirm out his mother’s grip to attack.

“It’s alright, boy. I was not hurting your mother,” Ragnar said looking at him with a soft smile that mirrored in his eyes.

“Then why where you moaning?” He asked his mother with the innocence of a child.

Ragnar and Lagertha looked at each other, and then back at him.

“Eventually you will understand,” she'd said, kissing his forehead and laying him down beside her in the bed, as she and father lay down again too.

“Not every moan is a sound of pain."

“I was showing your mother that I love her, in a way that only adults can do," his father said, petting his hair.

He still didn't understand. But he saw Ragnar kiss his mother’s shoulder. And he saw her turn her head to kiss him gently.

He'd snuggled closer to his mother’s warmth as she rubbed his back and he slipped into reassuring sleep, comforted in knowing his father loved his mother, but still confused…because a child’s mind can’t distinguish or understand how adults display love.

They watched their little son sleeping, his tiny body tucked into Lagertha’s chest.

“I suppose we need to become quieter,” she'd told her husband, arching her body against his as he wrapped an arm around her.

“And maybe we should switch positions, too, so that next time Bjorn will think _you're_ hurting _me_. And maybe next time, he’ll defend _my_ honor,” Ragnar had said with a kiss on her neck.

 

  1. **Knowledge**



Boys will be boys, and Bjorn wants to be like the rest of his friends. Most are older than him and they talk of things he doesn’t really understand; of boys and girls, and this thing they call “sex.” It sounds complicated, and when he asks about it they tell him in explicit terms. He thinks it’s gross. Why would they do that? 

They boys laugh, and he goes home.

But when he walks through the door, he finds his mother bouncing on top of his father, and they’re both naked.

Ragnar spots him at the door and sits up, wrapping a blanket around Lagertha, and reaching to grab another for himself. Bjorn runs into the forest, hiding by a large tree and squeezes his eyes shut.

 Ew. It’s gross. They’re gross. He doesn’t want to be an adult.

His father finds him and comes to sit down next to him.

“That is _disgusting_ ,” he tells Ragnar, only to get a hearty laugh in return.

“I promise you, it will become less disgusting as you get older.”

“But why do you do it?”

“For different reasons. For fun. For pleasure. To make little ones, like you,” his father says, ruffling his hair.

“ _I_ wasn’t made like _that_!” Bjorn is offended and he jumps to his feet, his hands balled into fists. Ragnar stands looking down at him. His father is a giant, Bjorn thinks.

“Oh really? And just how do you think you and your sister got here?” His father raises his eyebrows at him.

“I…am a son of Odin! Like you!” He says, failing to come up a different answer.

“Come, Bjorn.”  Reluctantly, he goes back to the farmhouse with Ragnar.

He has learned more about sex. That it is how children are made. And that for adults, it is fun.

It’s still gross, though.

 

  1. **Understanding**



By now he’s a man, and he understands the ways of adults. He knows when his parents want to have sex. He can tell by the way his father starts hovering behind his mother, the way she leans into his touch. The way they kiss and whisper, and laugh. And if that wasn’t clue enough, father starts dropping subtle hints about chores that Bjorn and his sister Gyda should probably be doing… outside.

He doesn’t mind it really. He’d much rather be outside than inside any day. It is what it is.

And he’s outside when Uncle Rollo rows up to their house in his boat.

“Bjorn!” He goes to greet his Uncle. He really likes Rollo. Rollo is more fun than his father. He charges him and tackles the older man to the ground grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back as Rollo laughingly taps the sand.

“I give! I give!” He jumps off, feeling victorious as Rollo pats his head.

“You’ve been training,” he says.

“Yes," Bjorn says standing tall and proud. "Father is training me.”

For a moment, his Uncle looks sad, but it passes quickly. “He’s teaching you well. You will be a strong warrior.” Bjorn gets a pat on the back as Gyda runs up to Rollo and he sweeps her into his arms.

“Uncle Rollo!” She hugs him tight.

“My lady,” Rollo puts her down and gives her an exaggerated bow.

“Where is your father?” He asks them, and Bjorn points to the house.

“They’re inside having sex,” Bjorn declares seriously.

That sad look again. Rollo sits down on the beach beside the children.

“Then I guess we’ll have to wait.” He says.

Bjorn looks at him quizzically. “Are you sad they’re having sex?” He asks. Gyda looks at Rollo too.

He smiles, and laughs, but it sounds different. And the smile doesn’t really reach his face.

“For one so young, you are very observant. It is fine. I was just remembering something from a long time ago.”

Bjorn learns more about sex. It can sometimes make people sad.

 

  1. **Bitterness**



One of his most painful memories is one that continues to haunt him into adulthood. It was the night his father betrayed his mother by having sex with another woman. A woman who he feels will _never measure_ up to his mother. An imposter.

Bjorn remembers waking to see his father inside Aslaug. He remembers the feeling of intense rage and hate directed at them both. He remembers glaring at his father and he remembers telling Ragnar that he hates him.

It’s also the first time he doesn’t call Ragnar _father_.

He remembers telling his father’s friend Arne what he saw, and how the way Arne laughed and told him it wasn’t a big deal did little to set his mind at ease.

Bjorn has learned all he knows about sex from his parents. How it is fun, how this is the way children are made, how it is how adults show they love each other.

So this must mean that Ragnar does not love his mother. He cannot possibly love her if he can have sex with another woman.  

He remembers his father laughing at him, but not realizing how completely serious he is about this. He knows Lagertha would castrate Ragnar if she were to find out, and he plans to tell her as soon as they get home. Bjorn imagines Lagertha striking Ragnar, and a slow smile spreads across his face. He would never dare strike his father, but he’s seen it enough times to know his mother has no such qualms. And she will handle it. Because Ragnar will punished for this.

As far as Bjorn is concerned, his father is not worthy of his mother’s love. Nor of her sex. And he hopes she NEVER has sex with him again.

He learns another lesson in Gotaland. That people will betray the ones they claim to love over sex.

 

  1. **Anger**



He stands back as Lagertha charges his father, and he grimaces reflexively as her blows land hard—punches to the chest that push Ragnar against the wall, a hit to the stomach that makes him double over and then finally a hard slap to his face that makes his head jerk sideways. Bjorn has never seen his mother this angry, and the stories of her as a shield-maiden are suddenly no longer just stories, as his father tries and fails to block her blows.

Bjorn knows exactly who the _real_ warrior is between them.

But his satisfaction is short-lived as he sees his mother has started to cry, and that she has stopped, and that Ragnar has managed to wrap her into him, and that they’re kissing. And he can’t figure it out.

What they do next sends him into complete confusion and anger. They are hard with each other. Violent. Forceful. They have sex, but it is not any sort of sex that he recognizes as such. He doesn’t understand.

Why is his mother allowing Ragnar to have sex with her after this?

Angry, Bjorn storms out the great hall to sit on the steps. It is his mother’s friend Siggy who comes to sit beside him, holding him.

“I do not understand why she allows him to do that to her.” He says the heat behind his eyes starting to build. But he is a man now. And those tears do not fall. Instead, he pushes them down. And they begin to form the foundation of a lifetime of resentments toward Ragnar that will begin to build over time.

“Sometimes people have sex when they’re angry,” Siggy tells him.

  1. **Rape**



It is not until he and his mother are on their own, that he realizes how much he still does not understand. He sees the things men do to women, sex when they do not want it, and it frightens him.

His mother gives it a name.

Rape.

“Why?”

“Because some men believe they can. That it is their right. Sometimes it is about lust, but most of the time it is about power. A means to humiliate, shame and inflict fear and terror. It is about control.”

“Did father?”

He stops the question.

“Never.” She says forcefully kneeling down to look him in the eyes. “Your father is a far better man than any of them.”

He internalizes this. And when he hears his mother’s new husband attempting to violate her, he barges in, ready to fight.

She stills his hands as he comes to stand between her and Earl Sigvard.

“Don’t worry, Bjorn, she says holding his hand back. I’ve got this.”

Sigvard leaves and he turns to his mother.

“Why did you marry him? Why do you have sex with him?”

Lagertha looks at him raising a hand to his face. He’s now equal to her height. Her light blue eyes meet his hazel ones.

“Love and sex are not mutually exclusive.”

So sex is a means to an end.

He is devastated with the knowledge of his mother’s sacrifice. And he wants to fight the world.

 

  1. **First**



His first love is a slave girl. Bjorn remembers the way his father used to treat his mother—it is the best example he has for how to proceed. And so he treats her kindly. And with respect. To him, she is not a slave, but a woman, a partner. An equal.

There is no guidebook to it, but he has seen it enough times to know what to do and what not to do. So he recalls the way his parents had been when he was young, and he uses their example as a guide. The first time is awkward and unsure, and it’s over way too fast. It’s embarrassing, but at the same time, she makes him feel like it’s okay when she tells him it’s her first time too.

  1. **Almost**



Ragnar circles Lagertha slowly in the great hall, and comes up behind her, hovering over her shoulder, his body against her back. He leans down to whisper into her ear, his hand tracing down her neck and she leans into his touch, laughing.

Bjorn sees them out of the corner of his eye. They’re almost blending into a far wall, standing apart from the feast.

He can tell his parents want to have sex. They’ve been apart for four years, and his father has had more children with the woman who took his mother’s place.

 It’s a very, very bad idea. And so he goes up to them, and they spring apart, guilty expressions in both faces. He whispers to his mother and glares at his father. He wants to stay in Kattegat with him, but he won’t let Ragnar hurt his mother again.

There’s a new word he learns today. Cock-block.

It is Torstein who tells him what he did, and gives him a slap on the back in approval.

Bjorn loves his father, but he loves his mother more.

 

  1. **Observant**



Although he did not catch them in the act, he’s sure they entertained it.  They are in England, and it’s early, most of the camp is still asleep when he makes his way to Ragnar’s tent to talk to his father. But when he enters, he sees Ragnar is not alone.

Both of his parents are there, wrapped under thick furs.

He shakes his head as he backs out to leave them.

It was inevitable, he supposes. But that doesn’t make it any better. For any of them. He may be young, but he knows enough to realize that this can only end badly. And while Ragnar has another family at home, all Lagertha has is him, and it will fall to Bjorn to pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

  1. **Awakening**



It is the second time he’s awakened to the sight of his father inside another woman. And he thinks it’s time to leave the great hall, to establish himself elsewhere in Kattegat. The young children are asleep, and Ragnar and Aslaug are quiet, but not quiet enough really. Or rather, Aslaug’s not quiet enough.

He opens one eye to look.

Aslaug is on her hands and knees, and Ragnar is behind her.

But what catches his attention and holds it, is that it’s not what he thought it was.

It’s almost as if they are just going through the motions.

And then he gets it.

He knows why Ragnar hovers over Lagertha when she’s in town. He understands why they steal the moments they can. And he feels a bit guilty over trying to deprive them of those times.

Aslaug and Ragnar are having sex. But they’re not having fun. And they’re definitely not making love.

  1. **Standing Down**



He comes back to the great hall to start cleaning up what remains of Horik, but when he enters he stops.

His mother has made it back first, and she’s on Ragnar’s lap, his face buried in her chest. He can hear his father sobbing, his arms around her. And it’s the most heartbreaking sound he’s ever heard. Bjorn has never seen Ragnar cry, not like this and it is… disorienting. He feels as if he is in a dream, and he is frozen in the moment.

Why is Ragnar crying? He is now king, should he not be happy?

Lagertha lowers her head to kiss him, and he raises his face to hers to meet her lips. Bjorn watches as Ragnar lifts her up and moves their bodies to the floor. They undress each other.

It is sex as he has never seen it before.

There is grieve, and heartbreak and loss, and love—all rolled up into one night. They are emotional, communicating with their bodies alone and yet there’s an entire conversation going on—and because they are his parents, he _knows_ what they’re talking about.

They speak of loss and regret, sadness and despair and longing. They cling to each other as if terrified of letting go and Bjorn realizes they are suffering—both together and apart. And he knows neither wants it to be this way.

A single tear falls down Bjorn’s face. He will stand down. There is no need to make it worse than it already is.

  1. **Discovery**



He finds his mother sobbing on the floor in her mountain home, and he goes to her.

“What is wrong?”

When she sees him, the tears immediately stop, and she wipes them away. But she can’t wipe away the blood on her dress, nor the spots on the floor. He checks her over for a clue as to where it came from, but she has no scars—at least none that he can see.

“Mother, what is the matter?”

It’s been a month since Ragnar became king. But since then, his mother has fallen ill with a sickness that has kept her in Kattegat since their return from England. 

As she shakes her head mutely, he begins to glean the truth. Bjorn knows where the blood has come from. Silently he picks her up and lays her in the bed, going to her cases to pull out a nightgown and handing it to her. He turns away to begin cleaning the floor as she changes, and he only turns back around to pull the furs over her shoulders as she falls asleep.

He weighs what to do next. Should he tell his father, or shouldn’t he? Perhaps Ragnar already knows and if that is so, then he should go. But another part of him thinks differently—he thinks his mother has been _trying_ to keep this a secret…and if that is the case, she will be even more upset if he is the one to tell it.

Either way, it is a horrible situation. But secrets like these are dangerous…and so Bjorn makes a choice, and goes to get Ragnar.

He finds him an hour later in the great hall, playing with Bjorn’s younger brothers. Aslaug is rocking baby Ivar nearby and for a moment, he feels like an intruder into a moment that doesn’t involve him.

Aslaug speaks first when he enters.

“Hello, Bjorn.” She smiles and he nods in acknowledgement before going up to Ragnar.

“Father, there is a situation that requires your attention,” he says trying not to reveal too much. Ragnar looks at him and gets up, going to Alsaug and kissing her on the cheek.

“I will be back.” He says, following Bjorn out of the great hall.

“What has happened?” He demands as soon as they’re outside. “It is not my place to tell you that, father. But…” he hesitates. He had walked up the mountain and back down, and it had taken more than an hour.

“We should take the horses.”

Ragnar enters Lagertha’s house first, and Bjorn hangs back as his father walks toward the bed slowly. It smells like blood in here.

She is still asleep, her chest rising and falling evenly. Almost fearfully, Ragnar rolls back the blankets and then pulls them back up around her, and turns to begin pacing around, his hand on his chin, an arm across his chest. Bjorn finds a chair in a corner and sits, his head down between his legs.

He had known this would end badly.

Maybe he should have tried to intervene more. To stop them. He should have spoken up that night, _said_ something to make his presence known. But what of all the times he knows he has missed? While his mind knows he had no control, his heart feels as if he has failed to protect his mother.

When Lagertha wakes up again it is dark outside, but a fire has been built, and it’s warming the whole house. She sees Bjorn seated in a chair in a corner, his head back against the wall, mouth open and snoring.

Seated at her feet is her ex-husband. It’s the first time Lagertha has ever wanted to just die.

 “Were you going to tell me?” Ragnar asks quietly.

“I don’t know.” It’s as honest an answer as she can give him.

“When did you know?”

 “Two weeks ago.”

They keep making babies and they keep losing them.

“I wish…” He trails off, struggling to find the words to tell her how he feels in this moment.

“I wish it had been you to bear all of my sons.”

A single tear falls down her face. “Me too.”

Because then, they wouldn’t be in a situation they are now. They wouldn’t have to love each other from a distance. They wouldn’t have to hide and pretend to be fine and pretend to be over it, when it’s not true.

“We should go to the seer,” he says but she sits up quickly and grips his arm, her eyes wide and red-rimmed.

 “No. There’s no need. I’ve already been.”

It’s time to tell Ragnar the truth. To end it. To put an end to this…”thing” they’ve been doing now for months. There will be no happy ending, no golden gate to walk through. She should have listened to her son. He had been right to try and keep them apart. To limit their contact. She had started to fall in love with her ex-husband all over again and perhaps this is the sign that it’s going nowhere, and they’re just fooling themselves into thinking that somehow, they can make it work. The odds are against them.

“What did he say?” Ragnar’s eyes are boring into hers, they are hopeful, desperate and afraid.

She shakes her head and whispers, “He said I would never bear another child.”

When his arms wrap around her shoulders, she breaks and sobs into his chest. He cradles her, rocking her gently, while he mourns for a future he now knows they will not see.

“I love you,” Ragnar chokes out. “I love you for trying.”

They’re quiet conversation has woken Bjorn. He has heard the whole thing, but remained silent.

As they stop talking he begins to signal he’s awake by moving slowly, and yawning, and finally getting up to go get a fur and curl up by the fire.

Ragnar removes his boots and comes to lay in the bed next to his ex-wife. He won’t leave her tonight. Or tomorrow. They’ll stay here for the time being, until she’s well enough to travel.

She falls asleep secured in his arms.

Bjorn can see them curled up together in bed. And he thinks this is the way it should have been always. He had heard his father speak of love when he was a child, and it was vague and ambiguous to him.

 But now that he is a man, and as he looks at his parents and reflects on everything they’ve been through, he knows with absolute certainty that Ragnar loves Lagertha. And he also learns another lesson.

That love does not, and cannot conquer everything.

And when she miscarries again several years later, he finds himself comforting his mother alongside his father again. Though this time the child is not Ragnar’s, Bjorn watches his father grieve as if it were his own.

Ragnar keeps repeating the same two words as he rocks Lagertha gently in his arms.

“I’m sorry.”

And it replays in Bjorn’s mind over and over again.

 

  1. **Revelation**



Ragnar is dead. But his mother stands tall, like stone. She does not blink. She does not break. And while there is grief all around, she is steel.

Does she not grieve? Does she not regret? How can she be so cold?

He asks her this in a private moment.

Is she not angry at Ragnar for leaving them, for leaving her alone? Is she not upset that the man she loves is gone?

I have no regrets, she tells him. And Bjorn does not understand.

She smiles, a soft sad smile and puts her hand on his face.

“I have no regrets,” she says again. “Because your father and I made love.”

Bjorn knows she’s referring to him.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
